mel·an·chol·y [ méllən kòllee ]
*feeling or causing sadness: feeling or making somebody feel a thoughtful or gentle sadness
*pensive sadness: a thoughtful or gentle sadness
Today I am very melancholy. My Mother left at 11:00 a.m. today to visit my cousin Helga. We all know this will be the last time she or any of us see Helga. I don't think Helga is long for this world. In her last e-mail to me she said she is taking one step forward and three steps backward.
The last time I saw Helga was 4 years ago. We didn't have much alone time. I had hoped that we would be able to take some time to get to know each other as adults, form a close friendship.
We have never been very close. Mostly due to the thousands of miles between us.
I am sad that she is leaving this world so young. She is only a few months older than I am. She has a son who is a few years older than The Baby. Like me, he was a product of artificial insemination. Again, like me, she raised him for many years without the aid of a partner. Once more, like me, she found someone to share her life with and raise her son with. I feel sorry for her boyfriend of 20 years. He is a bit younger than her and I fear he will be lost without her.
I want to tell her Goodbye. I don't know how. Do I tell her now? Do I wait and hope I can say goodbye before she passes? What do I say?
For now, I think I will wait. For now, I will be melancholy.
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