My father passed almost 7 years ago, so I didn't have to join the hustle and bustle of buying cards and presents. I did, however, think of him often during the day and remembered some good times I had with him. My Dad was an Army Officer and our house was run much like the military. There were never a lot of family bonding times, family trips, etc. For much of my young life, I didn't really care for my Dad. I changed my feelings about him when The Baby came along. He was a very different person with her.
I remember when she was 2 years old and she and my father had been swimming (my Mom has a pool in the backyard), The Baby had just gotten out of the pool and took her swimsuit off and went in the house to get some clothes on. My Mom wanted to show us her brand new, cream colored wing back chair. We all traipsed to the living room to Ooohh and Aaahh over it. The Baby decided to try it out of size - she looked so cute sitting there. All of a sudden she did that little shiver that lets you know she just peed! Remember, she was naked. We stood and looked at her in shock and waited for my father to have a fit and all he said was, "Oh well, just flip the cushion over." I couldn't believe he was so calm. That was how the rest of his time with The Baby was.
He used to pick her up from kindergarten on Wednesdays (Wed. was a really busy day for me - didn't usually finish work till 10p.m.). One Wednesday she told him her "throat was dry," and he wondered if ice cream would help. That began a tradition of going to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream every Wednesday. The people at the store got to know both of them and knew what flavors they liked. They made a great pair!
Big phoned her Dad, who lives in Michigan, and they chatted for a while. We sent him a card and a gift certificate to Cracker Barrel.
You may wonder about The Baby's father. She was conceived by artificial insemination by an unknown donor. There is a long story to that and someday I may tell it, there are a few parts of the story that are rather funny. Anyway, I really wanted to have a child, so that was the route I chose. I was with my ex at the time. I have always said she gave me two things: 1.) the financial help to get pregnant, 2.) the courage to never be a victim again. She was an abusive alcoholic and I stayed too long. Although, had I not been with her, I would not have my wonderful child and my life would be very different. So for this I forget the bad and thank her for the good I now have.
So this was our Father's Day. How was yours?
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5 comments:
Thanks for sharing the lovely memories you have of your dad as grandfather. Grandfather's are so important.
As for the past (your abusive ex, yet the one who helped you have your child), it's always a mixed bag, and makes us the people we are today. Change anything in our pasts, and we'd all be different.
Thanks for sharing. Especially about how the baby came to be. I must admit I was curious, not nasty gossipy curious but interested. I have a couple of friends who have talked about that route but haven't followed it through yet.
I don't do fathers day. My Mum god love her had the strength to kick him out when I was 3 and I've never seen him since. I have come to realise that was the very best thing that ever happened to me in my life! He was a very bad man. Whatever issues I still have they would have been a lot lot worse with him in my life!
I do make a fuss of her on Mothers day, she is still my best friend and I talk to her at least once every day.
My Dad was always too busy working when I was little. It was so lovely to watch him enjoy his grandchildren in such a different way to the way he parented. Sounds a lot like your Dad actually.
I think we've all had relationships like the one you described where we stayed too long but ultimately they gave us something that defined our lives. And those relationships actually may not teach us what we do want from life but they sure teach us what we dont want.
(It wasnt Father's Day here- we have ours in September- weird huh? )
Memories can crop up at such interesting times, even when you are deliberately thinking about a person. I have no grandfathers alive anymore, but loved them both very much. I'm lucky to be close to my parents and live in the same town so I can drop in anytime to talk. You never know what's going to happen so I try to do it often.
That was quite a story about The Baby, but it sounds like you got the support you needed from your family while you were going through the awfulness, and are in a much better place.
Cynthia, thanks for sharing your thoughts on Father's Day. I am very lucky as my dad has mostly been very supportive. I have pretty happy childhood memories of holidays etc. My parents don't live far from me and although he is in his mid 70's now he will always help if he can. He is great with my baby, most of the time too.
On the other hand my baby's dad is an ex Army Officer, hmmmmm. I am sure part of their training is to make them never show emotion or that they care. Either that or all emotion and caring is drummed out of them completely. That's if they had any in the first place. ( Nooooo, I'm not bitter and twisted, lol)
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